Ruth Lonnemann

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When I started looking for a picture of my Grandmother Lonnemann I was thinking of a picture of only her. I went and looked at the pictures from my most recent trip to Kentucky and found a picture where my Grandmother had a nice smile on her face. I then started to crop the picture, but, something felt wrong. It didn't seem right to crop my Grandfather out of the picture. Soon I realized that I shouldn't crop myself out either. Why, I thought to my self, should I take away from the picture its most important quality, the fact that this is a picture of a moment in my Grandmother's life and not simply a picture of her. Who would ever want to live their life as it is portrayed in a portrait of them self. Of course no one would. Even we introverts need strong emotional bonds with a few people in our lives and want to spend time with family, friends, and the crowd. These interactions with other people seem to be where most of life happens. In our interactions with others is where we find it easiest to access the deepest and most fulfilling sense of joy, happiness, and peace. These are some of the reasons I choose this picture of my Grandmother to remember her on this day, the day she died.

I know that my Grandmother would prefer that I not use this picture of her. I know that she would prefer that I use another picture, but, then not be satisfied with any of them. It seems that women often feel that way about pictures of them self and maybe some men do too. But, for those of us taking the pictures or looking at the pictures we know that pictures are not simply about colors and shapes. We know that pictures can help open doors to memories and revitalize connections with people we haven't seen for awhile.

When I look at this picture of my Grandmother and Grandfather the first thing I notice are the smiles on my Grandparent's faces. My Grandfather, Al, smilies easily and I can see that in this picture. Although I can't describe how I know from this picture that my Grandfather and Grandmother are a pair. When I say pair I mean a sole mate kind of pair. These are two people that have really lived life together. They have raised three children, watched those children get married and have families of their own, and even seen their grandchildren get married and have children of their own. My Grandfather and Grandmother reached outside of their family to live their life as well. They both were active in their Catholic Church and cared about their neighbors and friends. When I think about what I know of their life together the phrase, the lived life right, comes to mind.

Also when I look at this picture I remember the day. My Grandmother said that she had had a taste for pancakes for a long time and really wanted to goto Cracker Barrel for breakfast. I drove my Grandfather's car and we went and had pancakes before Mass on Sunday October 16th, 2005. My Grandmother's mind was always operating at 100%, but, her body wasn't fairing as well. I remember that I was driving at or slightly below the speed limit, but, when I took a corner I saw my Grandmother tip over in the rearview mirror. Of course she said it was her fault for not wearing her seat-belt, but, I knew that I should have been even more cautious. At Cracker Barrel my Grandmother was happy to wait for a table and shop in the famous Cracker Barrel store while we were waiting. That morning she kept commenting about how she really likes the sweaters at Cracker Barrel, "You know Cracker Barrel has the best sweaters. You can't get these anywhere else." she would say. Then she would hint at my Grandfather of which one to get her for Christmas. Eventually our table was ready and we had a wonderful breakfast together. The pancakes were everything my Grandparents hoped they would be.

I'm going to miss my Grandmother. Especially this Christmas. But, I can't imagine the loss that my Grandfather is experiencing. My Grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary would be coming up soon. My Grandparents are a role model for me of how a marriage should be lived. They cared deeply for each other and had a relationship that was built on a foundation of their common Catholic faith. They upheld their commitment to each other even when times were hard, they learned how to communicate with each other, and how to always respect each other. I've only had glimpses of such a relationship and therefore can only begin to imagine what my Grandfather must be feeling.

I don't think I know how to end this. I don't have a conclusion. I just run out of things to say. There is one last thing I want to share though. It is the lyrics to a song by Diamond Rio called One More Day (iTunes link). I hope that we all have had someone in our life that we wish we could have one more day with. Not because we have regrets, but, because that person touched our life so deeply that you just want to be with them for one more day.

Here are the lyrics, read slowly.

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

One more day

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do. With one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you.

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still for one more day,
Leave me wishing still for one more day,
With you.

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